Colleen: this hits me way harder than beer. (about jack n coke)
Tim: well yeah that’s the point.
Colleen: but I have to drive!!
Tim: that’s all right you’re with me, if you get pulled over I’ll get arrested.
“It’s made in Asia but it’s not magic.”
“I am filled with an inconceivable amount of excitement right now!! This is bigger than x-mas excitement…and that’s huge since I’m a spoiled brat!”
“If it fits that’s fine but if it gets too squishy it’s out of there.”
“Geographical location? …Vagazzled”
Mary had a little tiiiiiiga. Its anal beads were white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, her sex slave was sure to blow.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a bald guy. Eating her curds and gay. Along came a fluffer and sat down beside her. And frighted Miss Muffet away.
Little Boy Blue come blow your skin flute. The sheep’s in the whip. The cow’s in the cock ring vibrator. Where is the sweaty boy who looks after the sheep? He’s under the silver bullett, fast asleep.
“The shortest distance between two teets is a straight brohawk”
“He who falls last, pounds best”
(Source: atheistme)
“Yeah, it was pretty awesome. It involved Johnny Walker Blue Label and lots of guns.”
— Colleen’s description on New Year’s 2012
“It smells like college and tastes like awesome.”
— Jenny and Janaya about a new drink.
